anonymity

Today I received an e-mail from a stranger: "your blog is beautifully written, full of raw emotion. thank you for sharing it..."

I was surprised. When my music is performed, and I am in the audience, people come to me afterward and tell me that they loved it, that it was beautiful, that it moved them, that they enjoyed it, etc. I am shy. I don't know how to respond. I thank them profusely. I am always surprised when my work actually touches someone else. I don't write for any audience. I am always surprised that I am actually a composer who has work performed for the public; how did I get here? (to paraphrase the Talking Heads). This is not false humility. It is true surprise. Yes, I knew as a child that I was talented, but I had no expectation. I had no blind ambition. I wanted to be an artist. But a private artist. I wanted to be left alone. To be lonely. But not lonely, at the same time.