and as I am writing this I am wondering. what is the greatest gift I can leave? my love? my music? my heart? will anyone notice? people die, they disappear. nothing is left. at night, we dream. in dreams, we know the infinite.
often, depressed people don't dream, if they are able to sleep at all. for years I barely slept. maybe three hours a night. not because I wanted to be awake. on the contrary. I was exhausted all the time. as I lay, trying to sleep, I would, on occasion, feel myself drift into that pleasant state of near-sleep. but then, right before near-sleep turned into real sleep, I would feel a jolt as if shocked by a bolt of electricity, and sometimes my entire body would leap off the bed. then I would be wide awake, and the cycle would repeat itself. this is not healthy. not dreaming is also not healthy. that is how I became sick.
About Me
- madabandon
- Brooklyn, New York, United States
- a musician/artist living in brooklyn with two l gray cats and an super-cute dog, writing about the trivial and the not-so-trivial, often sleep-deprived and benignly neurotic.
1 comment:
Jon, i called you right after i read this. Sorry i woke you up but i need to talk to you and very happy knowing you sound and safe. we spoke on the phone. Most my life i have ever yet asked any loved one for a promise ( i hate the word itself) but i did ask you. I told you what would hurt me most and i have your word on that oath. Thank you Jon. Thank you for not hurting you that hurting me. B
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