brain

Concerned with the increased intensity of my bipolar cycling, I reported to my psychiatrist on Friday afternoon. He increased the dosage of my medication, which should even out the state of my mind. But then I am confronted by the recurrent dilemma: if my mood "evens out" and I don't have such frustrating episodes of hypomania and subsequent depression, will my imagination and creative energy even out as well, leaving me a dull replica of my old self? This is the dilemma that I imagine many artists who have bipolar disorder face, and why many choose to forgo medication. That's what I did for a year, but as much as it may have enabled my work, it was dangerous to my well-being. I read a book, TOUCHED BY FIRE, by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamieson (a noted authority who herself bipolar) that addressed this issue, but it didn't help me much, other than to confirm what I just wrote. Hmmm.