machine

machine
Originally uploaded by madabandon.

I am very pleased with my new machine. It is a far better performer than the one it has replaced. I am trying not to drink too much espresso, though; or at least making it 50/50 (caffeine/decaf) so that I don't bounce off the walls and crash.

Last night I was tormented; first, for some reason, I was obsessed with the awful memory of my mother's final weeks, when the brain tumor had completely paralyzed her body and her pain was unbearable so that even the morphine did not alleviate it. The cancer had spread to her bones so that they broke from even minor movements. This memory came back so vividly that I become almost paralyzed myself, and I retreated to my bedroom. In the other room Yoshi and Nani were hanging out and their laughter was almost torturous for me. I apologize, now, for withdrawing into myself, but sometimes it is the only place for me to go.