Mother's Day

I had almost forgotten that it was Mother's Day today. When your mother is no longer around, you don't care about mother's day so much. I don't mean that in a tough or hard way; I miss my mother terribly and hope that she is able to see me somehow and my brother and sister and my nephews...but then I realized that last evening was my celebration of my mother. My mother was happiest when she was at home entertaining friends, laughing and talking and smoking and drinking and eating. She was very social, far more than I, and charming and fun to be around. I used to come home sometimes and find my friends in our large kitchen hanging out with my mom. So last night, we laughed, we smoked, we drank, we forgot to eat (almost) and we talked. And it was wonderful. And my mom would have had a great time there too. And maybe she knows, anyway.

I told Bao this story about her last night. When she was dying, she never complained. She was calm, she was stoic, and she was brave. She was sad, but she didn't rage against her fate. She cherished her family and her friends. I used to sit with her during the day. She would drift in and out of sleep or something like it, and I would read and talk to her if she wanted to talk. Often we just sat silently together. One day, I heard her sigh. And then, when I turned to her, she said "this sucks" and burst into tears. My mother was a unforgettable person. Now when I think of her, I no longer feel tears. I smile instead.