web

Yesterday I was explaining to Y how I know that it is difficult for him, for anyone, dealing with my depression and mood swings. It taxes his patience, and makes him angry. And it stresses me out, both dealing with my own moods and worrying about him. I expend a tremendous energy to manage myself.

I said that I have always felt things scarily deeply; that I seem to absorb another's fear, pain, sorrow...almost like in the movie THE EXORCIST, when the priest absorbed the demon, saving the girl but destroying himself in the process. And so when I know one of my friends or loved ones is scared, or hurt, I myself feel it too, to the point where it can overwhelm me. I am caught in a web. And yet, while I know that my life would be easier if I did not have this capacity, I don't think I would trade it for a more "normal" mind. But I probably would trade. Things would be easier. Hmmmm. What if it were possible?