counting

In the midst of a bad period, my friend Matt emailed me. He reassured me that there were a lot of people I could count on for support and help with my problems; his words reassured me and made me feel that I was not alone. But then, this morning, thinking about it, I realized that there really were very few people I could count on. Partly this is my fault; I keep my situation very much to myself and many people don't realize that I struggle with this bipolar illness pretty much all of the time. And I realize that I am optimistic, that I feel I can count on friends. But people slip away. It happens. I guess people need each other for different things, and when a goal has been met, there is no need anymore. I am not sure how I feel about this. Sad, I think. And lonely too. But not self-pitying, more just realistic. This is how it is. I cannot change it.