Wednesday, July 13, 2005


It is now 6:30 am and I have been awake for two hours. Last evening I had an attack of allergies: eyes, nose, sneezing, etc., and so I took a claritin. I stayed up until it had worked enough to let me breathe, and then finally fell asleep around midnight. But I was bolt-awake at 4:30, and despite my efforts to fall back asleep--breathing, trying to silence my brain--I gave up and read and played with Mabel. Now I feel exhausted. If I could sleep normally, in general, I would feel much better. I have been doing all the things I can think of to help: exercising almost daily, no caffeine later in the day, keeping to a schedule...but it does not work. I would say that I get about two normal nights of sleep a week, and the rest is a struggle. I wish that I could practice piano in the middle of the night so that at least I would accomplish something with my insomnia. When I am too tired I can't really compose, but practicing can be mechanically mindless enough to serve as a good way to pass the time productively.

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