sink

It's odd. Last Friday, when I saw my shrink (how I hate that word), I was telling him how I had been doing much better since the last appointment. My mood, I told him, was fairly stable, and I had not been badly depressed for two months. So I must have jinxed myself. Today I felt I was sinking; I was very busy teaching and that kept my head above water but now, tired and wrung out, I feel only despair and futility. I have no energy and no desire, no joy and no expectation. I want simply to be left alone. I feel bad for Y at a time like this. For who wants to be around me? I am a nightmare. But the problem is that when I am like this I need help. I need someone to hold me and reassure me that it will pass, that I will be ok, that the depression will go away, like a passing storm. If I could only make time disappear.