Saturday, November 19, 2005


village doorway
When I get sick like this I get dragged down. The last two days, I have been increasingly depressed. Today I feel smothered in a black cloud. Everything is onerous. The sky is bright blue and the sun is shining and I hate it. I want to disappear. And the world around me makes me feel hopeless. This country is falling to pieces. Idiots run the show and most people seem too selfish or oblivious to express the kind of outrage that any thinking person with some sense of ethics should display. I feel like I am screaming into a tunnel and that my screams fall away unheard. And this just fuels my depression even more. I do hope I will snap out of it. I know of course that this is a cycle and that at some point, probably sooner rather than later, I will feel better. But the holidays approach, and these are the worst time of year for me.

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