Now after the sun has gone down I feel a strange emptiness. I am tired, but it is not physical. It is my head.
Today I went with ML to J&R where I hoped to find this kind of silicone keyboard cover that you use to protect the keyboard from dust and spills (!) since I learned the hard way what can happen. They did not carry what I wanted but I bought a silicone case for my iPod mini and also (drum roll) two large cd books to hold ALL my classical cds. Now, filed away, the cds are no longer visible on that ugly black cd rack that sat behind my piano. The room looks less cluttered. And I reacquainted myself with the contents of my classical library, which is extensive.
So now, feeling this kind of emptiness, I listen to Brahm's B Major Piano Trio. It is beautiful, a bit overwrought, sort of the opposite of how I feel now.
I realize that I am good at music and painting and teaching but I am no good with my relationships. I don't know how to have one without stress and torture (inwardly directed, mostly). But I hate being alone. I can't handle either one. What is the middle?
1 comment:
My experience such as it is, suggests that it is when one adopts a detached attitude to everything that your relationships start working. People often say - "I don't like playing games" - but that is much like saying: "I don't like having a relationship".
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