pathways

I have decided, after extensive contemplation, to make some major changes in my life. I want to improve my health and while I am in good shape because of swimming I want to work on my flexibility, eat more regularly, and improve my energy level. I am re-focusing my attention on my work, become the independent person that I used to be, not be dependent on relationships to maintain my balance. I need to find balance on my own. This has entailed some tough decisions, and I have hurt some people. I feel like I am cold when it comes to these kind of transactions.

I was having dinner before hearing Shostakovich Tenth at Avery Fisher Hall. I had dinner with R, a writer friend. I was telling him about this coldness (which is not just my perception; I have been accused of this more times than I wish to be). He said "of course you're cold. You're an aquarius." R is an aquarius too. And I remembered: we are supposed to be remote on a personal level, though we are sensitive and concerned about the state of things. I am not proud of this.