psyched out

head
Originally uploaded by madabandon.

Back in my youth when I was a very serious swimmer, we used a term, "psyched out," to describe the situation in which, in the anticipation of an important race or competition, the competitor ends up swimming a bad race. Maybe this was due to the pressure, or some kind of side effect of too much mental focus, or something vague like that. But I had my share of such swims.

At the end of the summer and well into fall I was feeling so good, sleeping well, not depressed; I felt so good that I thought about stopping the trazodone at night (the sedative/antidepressant that enables me to sleep more than four hours a night). I thought maybe I could stop the medication altogether. Well, I think I psyched myself out.