If I were truly honest, I would respond (to anyone asking me the question "how are you?"): Every day I wake up and feel smothering agony. I have made a promise I do not think I can keep. I have seen great beauty, and tried to create it myself. I have loved with the greatest power I have, and it was not enough to save me. I am overwhelmed with the darkest thoughts. I am a skilled actor, smiling and appearing fine, but it has taken a toll on me and I am exhausted. I have tried to fix myself: I have seen doctors, taken pills, meditated, tried to "change my thinking." I feel tremendous relief and understanding when I read about others who took matters into their own hands, who could no longer live on this earth. I am ashamed that I feel like this but I can not deny its power over me. I never want hurt anyone I love, but sometimes I am sure that I will. I wish that I were not like this. I wish things were simpler. These are my honest answers.
About Me
- madabandon
- Brooklyn, New York, United States
- a musician/artist living in brooklyn with two l gray cats and an super-cute dog, writing about the trivial and the not-so-trivial, often sleep-deprived and benignly neurotic.
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