cycling

One particularly troubling aspect of depression that is hardest for me is the feeling that it drives people away. While I don't confess my state to too many people, very few in fact, I fear that for the few who know I am a drag to deal with; I do know that my brother, for example, never wants to know if I am feeling depressed, and the few times I do tell him (when he asks me how I am doing, and I am doing particularly badly, I either have few words, or I tell him I am depressed) he becomes exasperated and gets away as quickly as he can. This makes me feel worse. And those friends who do know...I fear they get tired of hearing me. And the therapist; how dull it must be to hear the same litany of depressive symptoms, though no therapist would ever admit it, I hope. So, I do what might be the worst thing for me, which is keep it to myself. And my art is a channel, but the problem is that when I am depressed I can't work. A vicious cycle.