Thursday, April 28, 2005
Now, in the midst of a hypomanic episode, my mind races and my mood is unusally upbeat and high. I have to watch myself very closely to monitor the words that come out of my mouth and my behavior in general. My behavior is controlled by my mood to a rather extreme degree, and so it takes a lot of self-discipline to keep my actions within the bounds of socially correct behavior. This takes a lot of energy too. Luckily for me, I have a tremendous amount of self-discipline, a skill (or trait) I developed through being a musician and also through being a competitive swimmer in my younger days. I know how to focus and how to set a plan for myself. This saves me from going off the deep end, and enables me to function fairly successfully in the world. My biggest fear is that somehow, someday, I will lose this ability.