One problem I have, being bipolar, is trusting my own thoughts. Yesterday and today I have been feeling effusive and happy. I left a long day of teaching yesterday feeling like I truly loved my job, filled with enthusiasm and kind feelings, grateful for the rewards of teaching my students. And last evening, with my guests, I was talkative, making jokes, laughing, full of energy. And yet, from time to time, I felt like it was not me, almost as if I were possessed and I worried that I would cross some line and my boisterous behavior would lead me to do or say something stupid. And this feeling made me question my joy in my job; was it true, or was it just the rosy glow of mania coloring everything around me? There seems to be no middle ground for me sometimes.
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