don't ask/don't tell

There are things I want so badly to ask but I won't ask, things I want to tell but won't tell.

I ask myself these things, and in doing so I torture myself. If I had never met you, how much happiness might I have had? If I had never met you, would my heart be any stronger? If I had never met you, would I have this sinking feeling of despair that hits me between the shoulder blades when I least expect it? I don't ever wish to regret, believing that everything that has happened just happened, that there is no turning it back or turning it around of making it disappear. But yesterday, and so much more today, there is nothing I want more than to make entire nights, days, months, years disappear and leave me be.

"But I have nothing to say. My lips are sealed." (David Byrne, "Psycho Killer")