now I wish it were night

NIGHT (detail) acrylic and oil on canvas 24 x 24"

I have fallen back into depression. Trying to cope I went to bed last night at ten and slept fitfully until 8:30 this morning, woke in a terrible mood, was ready to lose my mind because of cat-feeding, cat vomiting, Mabel barking, a million e-mails from school about an upcoming event that I am providing music for, unable to find things, ready to scream, my back and legs killing me (arthritis). Then, walking to school, the sky turned black and the rain poured. I got soaked and was freezing. After I got there it began to snow furiously; the snow lasted an hour and a half or so, and now, in the late afternoon, the sun has returned.

Because I felt so anxious, stretched taught like a rubber band about to snap, and because I was facing a long and quite busy day, I took two clonopin. This relieved my anxiety and I felt more human, but now I am so tired I can barely move. I would go swim to energize myself, but my finger is still healing and I don't want it to become infected. I would like to go to bed now, but I have to move my car and do some work. But it will be an early night, and I hope that tomorrow I will wake in a better mood than today.