Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Originally uploaded by madabandon.

If my memory is correct then this is my first-grade picture. Note the tie. My mom sure had snappy taste, no?

I never really had any confidence about my appearance, nor do I still. I was not cool enough as a kid, although I dwelt at the edge by high school. In college I felt like some bumpkin, surrounded as I was by so many sophisticated private-school kids. No amount of positive reinforcement really convinced me that I was not a dork. I still suspect it of myself, although thankfully I have reached the age where "dorkiness" itself does not really apply any more.

When, in the past, I have been hit on I always am suspicious on a certain level. Why has my confidence, if it ever was, been so beaten down?

Even writing this, I feel like I might just be soliciting reassurance, rather than just stating a simple truth.

1 comment:

medusa said...

I realized recently that you went to college with one of my best friends. Not that I expect you to know her, but... She and I grew up in Dutchess County, in various suburbs of Poughkeepie.