hitting the wall

wall
Originally uploaded by madabandon.

I have been disoriented this week. I am currently in an unusual mood pattern, what is called "rapid cycling." Deep depression lasts a day or two, giving way to hypomania, which lasts a day or two, and then back. I feel as though I am hitting the same wall over and over. And the hypomanic mood makes me very tired, physically. My intense energy, expended in all sorts of ways, gives over to complete exhaustion. I am seeing my doctor in an hour. I wonder if she will have any advice.

It's that time of year when old students, now in college, come back to visit, since they are still on winter break. It is nice. One of my favorites, of all time, came back a couple times. He has suffered some intense personal tragedy in the past year, and you can see it in his eyes. I feel like I want to help him in some way, and that I am not really doing anything effective. But maybe just him coming to talk is helping him more than I know. I hope so.