Friday, June 22, 2007


hammy sleeping
Originally uploaded by madabandon.

When I was growing up my father had a way of dismissing any concerns with the general platitude that everything was "fine." Thus, if I had a searingly painful ear infection, I did not complain; I would be told that I was "fine" and to stop complaining. Thus I did; one day, with a scarily high fever and an abcessed ear that was about to burst, I heard the doctor admonish my mother. He wondered why my ear had gotten so bad. But it was MY fault, because I did not complain.

To compensate, I tend to jump to the worst conclusions with little provocation. This manifests itself mostly when I discover some malady with one of my little brood. Patsy had some skin irritations which I immediately assumed were mast cell tumors thanks to my cursory and bad education (via internet) on feline skin disorders. And Mabel's itching ear must clearly signal an ear infection. So one at a time--Patsy first, Mabel next--I marched them off to the vets' this morning. All is well. I feel a bit silly having panicked so last night. And I wonder: if I had a child, would I be able to keep my panic invisible in the face of some illness? I would like to think that I would. I would like to think that I would be the best of both worlds: worry enough to never neglect things, but not panic enough to scare my kid.


she said...

i must be careful here not to type a novel

but madabandon -i see that so often! men, dads, with the

"you're fine!" -as if they can will it.

but it is very dismissive; ignorant and toxic to the soul

translated it says: "shut up/go away/i can't be bothered"

i like to think it is said more out of ignorance and lack of skill than pure, intentional neglect

-and i'm like that too. my brain leaping to worse case scenarios. -but better to take action, and be guilty of worrying too much, than inaction and be guilty of neglect

the soul responds to care; retreats from rejection

and your capacity for love, expressed in this blog, leaves me with little doubt that as a parent you would do all the right things to promote health and challenge illness

you are not silly... you are beautiful!

Baris said...

My experience with my parents has been totally different. They were always panicked whenever something "bad" happened to me, including minor diseases. My dad is very attention freak too, when it comes to illness. He seeks more compassion and empathy and he acts like these are his last days. That's why, paradoxically (or maybe not) I'm not the complaining guy either, just like you. I've been through several illnesses without my parents suspecting anything and I'm still like that, I hate advertising my bad health, although I'm very luck not to have fallen sick in the last 10 years.