Tuesday, September 11, 2007

memory


blue night
Originally uploaded by madabandon.

Today it is raining hard off and on. I just got soaked on a short errand, as the skies opened up just as I set out, and in two minutes the hurtling rain, accompanied by crashing thunder, bombarded me. It is a vastly different day than the one six years ago, which was dry and bright and clear, the sky a brilliant blue.

The rain makes this 9-11 feel utterly unlike that tragic day. My memories are incredibly vivid, but the unsettled feeling that stuck with me for a long time has largely lifted. I take in stride the not-infrequent bomb scares, cordoned-off streets, crowds of office workers from some evacuated building. And I actually miss the feeling of unity that was so strong after 9-11-01. NYC has become even more stratified; the greedy people seem even greedier; the creative class has largely been forced out, replaced by Wall-streeters, lawyers, and money people. It is a different city now, but not in the way that it could have been, and not in a way that appeals to me.

I guess the one thing I feel is a certain inevitability that something will happen again, at some point. Living here, one gets used to that.

2 comments:

lodgerlow said...

This question is wildly off-topic but I have been meaning to ask you this question for months. I know you teach music at a university (here we call teaching academics "lecturers" whereas in the US you call them "professors"). My question is whether you are the academic supervisor for PhD students or Masters students? And if you are, what that entails?

she said...

i'm grateful you wrote this post. always prefer hearing from individuals vs. mass media

and as mentioned in email -torn between feeling glad you do not let fear get the best of you, during the "not infrequent bomb scares" and concern over what level of desensitization is required to live that way

as a post trauma survivor, i know that the difference in weather is a huge gift. every little thing from climate, to lighting/time of day, to the number & shape of clouds in the sky, to the hum of activity in the streets is imprinted in the brain during a trauma and can potentially trigger traumatic memories when there is a match. -when these things do not match; it's only helpful.

living with this feeling of "inevitability" must be a sentiment shared by many

makes me think of how people say they "don't get over" but "learn to live with"

and you live with purpose, passion and self-awareness which i find very, and consistently, inspiring.