Sunday, March 23, 2008

comfort

I am finding comfort in the sadness that has suffused my days. It brings back a feeling with which I am all too familiar. There is something warm and safe about sadness for me. I suppose it all goes back to my early days, when sadness seemed the normal state of things. In all the major events of my life--my father leaving, my mother's illness, her subsequent death, my isolation and loneliness in Chicago, the deaths of my Tuna and Pomona, deaths of dear friends, and now the latest episode--I feel like this is one emotion which I understand fundamentally and so it does not scare nor overwhelm me. But it does make me wish to crawl into bed and sleep endlessly. It makes me fear interaction with others. What would I say, since my voice is now just weak croak, and I don't think that I could force a smile.

bark series 4

2 comments:

medusa said...

Something kept me returning here, just in case you made a reappearance. I am glad to hear from you, although sorry that it's sadness that brings you.

she said...

this word stands out for me:

familiar. -how when you have suffered loss after loss..

that pain and sorrow becomes so familiar and emotions outside that spectrum seem foreign and fleeting; uncomfortable

sometimes a break from people seems like the very smartest thing to do

rest and process and no fake smiles or phony healing

alone time with loved pets and creative outlets

healing and moving forward always a process; never an event

your truest friends & family will respect this and wait patiently with open arms for your return

and will also risk prodding you if your withdrawal becomes excessive

but i so love what you've posted here.. how you've captured and honored in just a few words your experience

you remain in my prayers and meditations ~much love, ~s.