Originally uploaded by madabandon.
It is almost 3 am. I am still awake. I tried to sleep but found that I could not get past the initial stage of tiredness, the one that usually leads to the kind of total relaxation that urges somnolence. I used to stay up like this frequently, especially back in my student days, and also in summer when I don't have a schedule. I love the still of the night. There is something so profound about the darkness, the absence of activity. I feel strange. I am trying to just focus on what is in front of me. I am not going to wish for anything, or mourn anything. I am going to be mindful. Recently I read a quote from a Buddhist Master. I can only paraphrase, but this is the gist: if one is mindful of everything one does then one will not have to apologize for anything. That is what I want. I tend to be mindful, but I am also easily distracted and thrown off course. I want to be more centered. I want to live in a state of ease.