Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I am in Berlin. I arrived on Tuesday. I am here alone. Traveling alone used to thrill me, and then for many years I could not do it. Yet this time I feel a sense of wonderment at how, thousands of miles from home, I wander strange beautiful streets; I negotiate the subway and find that my German is better and worse than I'd thought. And I live in my own head, for I hardly speak to anyone else. And so now it is almost five a.m. and the strange jet lag makes sleep impossible. I went to Daniel Libeskind's museum, one dedicated to the holocaust, and had a profoundly sad experience, connecting to the story of my mother's family in a powerful way. I cried. And then I plunged myself headlong into memory. I was not focused on old memories of childhood, but those of the closer past, a time when I was almost crazy with confusion and lust and dread and heartbreak.

I feel ill at ease here in a way. It is a beautiful and vibrant city. It is also in Germany, the country that perpetuated a horror that killed most of my mother's family and made my own childhood one suffused with a tragic sadness. My mother told me of her story too early in my own life for me to be able to process it, and so I am convinced my depression or melancholy or whatever I might call it stems from that, in part if not wholely.

But then I found these children playing in the Garden of Exile.

1 comment:

she said...

madabandon.. my breath is taken! having read libeskind's book, and to imagine you in the actual museum

and your reaction, i'm sure.. his vision

the only path to healing & transcendence: remembering; experiencing emotion; growing forward

anything but indifference!

i'm praying for you.. that you transcend, and don't get stuck

it is a great deal to process -so many memories at once, and intensified by physical environment

beautiful how you captured these children.. your camera, your eye, your music

life jackets

i trust you will return home new
-stronger; centered; inspired

but i look foward to more posts from this journey..

love & blessings ~s.