one

For most of my life I have been content with a large degree of solitude. My mom used to tell me how lucky I am because my music and art would, in her eyes, keep me company and make me strong and independent. But in the past years, I have grown increasingly unsettled by solitude, feeling a kind of panic at the idea of being by myself--not physically as much as emotionally--and I have tried to avoid it. Friday night, when I was on the verge of flipping out, worried about Y and feeling like it was completely over, my friend ML hung out with me and helped me make it through a tortured evening. I was describing my incredible fear of being alone. And yet, this morning, after a weekend of intense emotions and decisions, I felt so content. For the first time in a long time I slept an uninterrupted sleep, and woke feeling energetic. Walking Mabel just now, I smiled at the beautiful azaleas blooming on my block. Mabel was so happy, and I felt generous to the people all around me. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Thierry. Thanks, Bao, for shaking me and making me see what matters.