Sunday, March 23, 2008
comfort
I am finding comfort in the sadness that has suffused my days. It brings back a feeling with which I am all too familiar. There is something warm and safe about sadness for me. I suppose it all goes back to my early days, when sadness seemed the normal state of things. In all the major events of my life--my father leaving, my mother's illness, her subsequent death, my isolation and loneliness in Chicago, the deaths of my Tuna and Pomona, deaths of dear friends, and now the latest episode--I feel like this is one emotion which I understand fundamentally and so it does not scare nor overwhelm me. But it does make me wish to crawl into bed and sleep endlessly. It makes me fear interaction with others. What would I say, since my voice is now just weak croak, and I don't think that I could force a smile.
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2 comments:
Something kept me returning here, just in case you made a reappearance. I am glad to hear from you, although sorry that it's sadness that brings you.
this word stands out for me:
familiar. -how when you have suffered loss after loss..
that pain and sorrow becomes so familiar and emotions outside that spectrum seem foreign and fleeting; uncomfortable
sometimes a break from people seems like the very smartest thing to do
rest and process and no fake smiles or phony healing
alone time with loved pets and creative outlets
healing and moving forward always a process; never an event
your truest friends & family will respect this and wait patiently with open arms for your return
and will also risk prodding you if your withdrawal becomes excessive
but i so love what you've posted here.. how you've captured and honored in just a few words your experience
you remain in my prayers and meditations ~much love, ~s.
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