ruins

ruins (7)
Originally uploaded by madabandon.

I don't know what or whom to hold responsible. Since Saturday I have felt ill. My stomach hurts ferociously whenever I eat, and I am very tired, no matter how much I sleep. Although I don't sleep enough to be sleeping too much, if that makes sense. It might be as much stress as anything else. A situation that I have alluded to previously has taken its toll on me. I am seriously in need of down time. What happens is that although I have many vacations from teaching, this year I have had to work through each of them, on OEDIPUS or on other composing projects. So no vacation is really a vacation. And thus I am falling apart. I am exercising though. It helps my sanity.

Another former student died, last week, after a bad accident. I know it is hardly news to anyone that such things seem so random, out of our control. But that seems like hollow comfort, somehow. Maybe comfort is a ridiculous concept, something we would like to have but something that is really not possible. Just acceptance.