Saturday, July 19, 2008
When asked how I am I invariably respond with some variation on fine, good, busy, great or swamped with work. I never say "I am fundamentally depressed" or "I am exhausted by my depression." To do so would be most truthful, but I recognize that it is hardly socially acceptable. But lately it is the most accurate answer. On Thursday night I was on the verge of something and I called a small number of friends, trying to find a caring and receptive ear. It was a general failure, though the one person I reached at least gave me a pep talk. But it made me feel lonelier than ever. I don't know what the solution is. Depression is something people just don't want to hear about. I can't blame them; I am sick of it myself. I am trying acupuncture in the hope that this will help. Honestly, I am becoming desperate. But I am sure that today, should I venture out into the inferno, if anyone asks I will smile and say that I am fine, or good, or something like that.